Standing For, Suffering With, Jesus (Matthew 10:34-39)

I bet your grandma blocked you on Facebook - at some point over the past few years. Or maybe you had to block her. It wouldn’t surprise me, at least. Our world today has gotten that crazy - and divided. Especially online. Fighting over foreign policy. Killing people over…. candy corn. Am I right?

Everybody running to their corners - or ghettos - and hurling grenades. Most of them verbal - and electronic - thankfully, But that’s not even always the case. Holiday dinners are more difficult than ever. You have to keep your guard up. And avoid the land-mines. Or people flee the dining room and just choose the football game. Or storm back out that door and get on the highway.

These are divided days. And that division even hits our families. Russell Moore, in his new book, tells this story of this mother walking up to him, asking for prayer. She’s really concerned about her girl. Russ is expecting that her daughter has abandoned the faith. Or she’s living this double-life - “Saturday night at the club, Sunday morning in the pew.” Maybe she’s shacking up with her boyfriend or something like that. He writes,

“But, no, the presenting issue wasn’t any of those things, the mother said, it was a bumper sticker on the daughter’s car when she pulled into the driveway for the family’s Thanksgiving gathering. ‘No one said anything about it,’ the mother said. ‘She didn’t even mention it, but we all felt the tension.’ Once again my mind was racing ahead of the storyline, expecting to hear that the bumper sticker read, ‘My Other Car Is a Broom: Celebrate Wicca’ or ‘Pass Joints, Not Judgment: Legalize Marijuana’ or maybe even one of the Coexist stickers with all the symbols of each world religion bunched together in the word. None of that was the case either. The bumper sticker read, ‘Any Sane, Functioning Adult for President, 2020.’” (Russell Moore)

Now the point really isn’t what you think of 45. The sticker could have just as easily read, “Make America Great Again.” And I’m not saying - these issues don’t matter. They do. But we experience so much division today. And that separation often hits very close to home. And here’s what I want to ask as we sit under Jesus’s words this morning: Are we dividing - are we separating - about the right things?

Mission and Martyrdom

Now we’re walking through Matthew. And we’ve been in a section where Jesus teaches His disciples. And the Lord is sending them out and warning them about the dangers that are ahead. D.A. Carson summarized these teachings as “Mission and Martyrdom.” Jesus warns about the persecution coming. He had to suffer through it. And so will we. He encourages us not to fear, but to trust, knowing He’s in control. As well as our need endure to the end. Staying close to Him. Confessing His name. It’s what has to happen.    

And then we get to this shocking statement here in Matthew 10:34-39. As Aaron said this week, this paragraph is especially “spicy.” But isn’t that what we’ve already seen from Jesus, and what we should already expect from Him? If He is who He says He is - our God, after all - and if our Bible is His revelation of Himself - wouldn’t we expect it to shock us and shake us up?

Tim Keller once put it this way: “To stay away from Christianity because part of the Bible is offensive assumes if there is a God he wouldn't have any views that upset you.” And he said elsewhere: “If Christianity is really true it will be offending and correcting you somewhere.”

Is that the way you approach the Bible? If it is, you’ll expect sayings that are spicy. For sure. 8 or higher on the Thai restaurant scale. This ain’t no Hallmark movie. Right? More like a Cormac McCarthy novel. We have to set our expectations right. Definitely spicy at times. But also never simple. You may initially hear these words of the Lord - “I didn’t come to bring peace… but a sword” - and you might take that as a reason not to trust the Bible. “I thought he was the Prince of Peace! What a contradiction! What a crock!” But yet again, if God is who He says He is, He can’t be backed into a corner. He can’t be shoved into a box. Right? Maybe He’s a God of love… and also of judgment. And maybe He brings peace - and division - in some way, at the same time.

Let’s jump in. I want you to notice four things in our time in this passage today. First, what we should expect. Second, why we should expect it. Third, what the Lord requires. Fourth, what our Lord offers.

What We Should Expect: Resistance

Now it’s easy for us to think that, when we come to follow Jesus, that things we’ll get easier. Right? He’s the Prince of Peace. We’ll be in the presence of peace. Period. But again, it’s not that simple. Actually, becoming a Christian will result in conflict. First, what we should expect: resistance.

The Lord says, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” Now that’s jarring. Right? Strong words. But first the tone. The wording. Who talks like this? This “I have come” language? Not many. We all have been around people who think they’re really important. But this is next-level.

Who talks like this? Someone who knows He is the Messiah. Someone who’s God in the flesh. Who has a divine purpose. That’s who.

But what’s all this talk about bringing a “sword?” It’s certainly not about Him bringing a war. We’ve seen Him in Matthew take out demons left and right. And we know His enemies will be defeated one day. But here Jesus is clearly talking about the separation - the division - that will take place around His identity and ministry. Some will reject Him. Others will embrace Him. And those of us who do cling to Him will face resistance from those who don’t. Things often won’t seem very peaceful at all. A hurricane of hate will often hit us, the people of God. But we have this confidence: in the eye of the storm, in the presence of Jesus, there will still be a kind of tranquility. If we lean into Him. If we are near to Christ.

It’s our nearness to Him that’ll bring peace. But it’s also what will cause the resistance. As people lashed out at Him, they’ll lash out at us. That’s His guarantee. But we have to make sure it’s for the right reasons. We can use words of Jesus - just like these - to try to justify a sinful, divisive spirit. A license to be trolls or turds online. Or the crazy screamer at the school board meeting. “Jesus flipped over tables in the temple. I’m just acting like Him.” That kind of stuff.

But this isn’t an excuse to turn our tongues into blades. Those who don’t believe shouldn’t stumble or struggle over our words that are wicked. But only over the cross. He’s saying that, even as we try to walk like Him - as gentle and lowly - people will be threatened by us. His truth will cut like a sword right through the crowd. Some will walk with Him. And others won’t. And those who don’t will pick up the sword. And they’ll come after us.

But here’s the thing that’s most shocking of all. And if we think it’s mind-blowing now, it certainly was then. The Lord says this resistance will even come from within our own family. Hear verses 35 and 36 again.

Matthew 10:35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

Matthew 10:36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.

Whoa. Even the closest, most intimate relationships. They would be torn asunder by how people respond to Jesus the King. David Platt talks about a mission trip his church took to North Africa, where a woman was brought, in a wheelbarrow, to a medical clinic they’d set up there. She was severely ill. They thought she would die. But she received medical care from those believers. They shared the gospel with her, and she came to believe in Jesus, too. But when she shared that news with her family at home, her father beat her. This is what we should expect - Jesus says - as we follow Him down His road.

Now that may seem miles away from what you’ve experienced. Or what you could ever imagine back in your home. But maybe there’s mocking. You come home excited - talking about Jesus - and you hear, “Settle down. Why you gotta get so religious on us?” That’s the reaction I got back when I became a disciple. And it really intensified when I started talking about ministry. I was supposed to be really successful and make my mom proud.

I’ve heard of countless stories of students going home to mom and dad, excited to talk about going to Mexico or Brazil - some place scary over spring break - and getting tons of resistance from mom or dad.

The Lord warns us. We shouldn’t be surprised. That is what we can expect. Resistance. And even at home.

But as Christ says back in verses 32 and 33, we have to acknowledge Him before others. We can’t deny Him, or His Father will deny us. If we find there’s no resistance, we’re on the wrong road. Which road is right? The One that sees Him as everything.

Why We Should Expect It: Allegiance

Let’s move to my second point for this morning. Why we should expect it. Allegiance. Now one reason we get so much resistance today is that we’re showing our allegiance to a whole host of other, lesser things. The party, the cause. Following other kings. Trying to build other kingdoms. That’s what the world is seeing. They’re not seeing Jesus. And it’s obscuring the glory of the cross. But here, again, it’s talking about something very specific - something easily shoved into the center - that quickly pushes out the Son.

Listen to verse 37 again: “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” It’s not like Jesus just tells us to scrap the fifth commandment - to honor our moms and dad. He’s talking about what’s first in our hearts. Right? What is our primary allegiance? To Him - or to them?

Think with me again. Who talks like this? The rabbis back then didn’t even go this far. Who’d demand loyalty even higher than parents? Only the Messiah. Only God. That’s who. Maybe we should listen.

Now some of us have moms and dads that also believe. Maybe brothers and sisters, and other loved ones, too. But even then, that word allegiance starts with three pretty big letters. A - L - L. Jesus is meant to be our everything. He’s first. Not second. Certainly not last.

If those we love tell us to do something that contradicts what Christ says to do, we pick Jesus. Plain and simple. We honor our Father in heaven first and foremost. If what they want - and He wants - those happen to converge, then great. But there’s no such thing as allegiance that’s split. With Jesus on the front of the jersey and something else on the back. When our family and our Father - their wills, they diverge, we go with our primary allegiance - to Jesus, our first love. It’s that simple. And so very, very hard.

And it’s why this kind of resistance should be very much expected. Because none of us really likes to come in second place. And we are so very prone to putting other things first. Maybe our work. Maybe money or sex. Maybe our favorite team. But especially our parents. Certainly our kids.

Family is a gift - at least when done well. But it so easily can be turned itself into a god. Into an idol, where we rest all of our hopes. If those relationships are good, it’s a little heaven for us. If things go south, it feels like we’re in hell.

But this earthly family is temporary. And our spiritual family is supreme. And our ultimate and only allegiance is to Him. And here’s the tragic irony. When we try to turn a good thing into a god thing, we end up destroying that thing. Making it - or them - along with us - miserable.

That’s what my mom did with me. She loved me so deeply, that I became an idol in her eyes. And I couldn’t begin to be her god. It’s a weight nobody can bear. And it pushed me away.

Parents, we have to give our children to Him. Yes, love them fiercely, for sure; but trust God to guide them well. He is our god - not them. And we don’t want to try to act like a god before them. Let your children follow Him. You’ll gain a brother, a sister. You won’t lose them like so many do.

Children, seek to honor your folks. Try to love them as best you can. But never submit to sin. Don’t worship them, for sure. Don’t bow before them as your god. You’ll never be able to fill up that hole in their hearts. But you can point them to the one who can. Who can make them whole. They’ll never see it, though, if you don’t stay true to your King.

In our culture, it’s no big deal. Kids move across the country - far from mom and dad. But in that day, families lived and worked together. Parents depended on their children. It was a culture built on community. Ours is highly individualistic. Jesus says - even back then - I come first. My kingdom trumps your family. And He means this. So much that elsewhere He says it even more strongly.

Have you heard how it’s worded over in the gospel of Luke? Hear verse 26 of chapter 14: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

Now, I think Matthew gets at what Jesus is trying to say here. Truly hate? Not really, no. But love Jesus more. That’s really the point. In a way that seems like hatred in comparison. To whom do we give our hearts most of all? That’s the question. And again, it’s why we end up getting the hate ourselves.

Pastor Stephen Um put it this way:

“What Jesus is calling us to is ultimate allegiance. He is essentially saying, ‘To be my disciple, you must give me preeminence over and (sometimes) against all other relationships.’ In other words, our lives should be so submitted to Christ that when we put our allegiance to him side-by-side with other allegiances, the difference is so great that it could be described in the black-and-white terminology of love and hate.” (Stephen Um)

Have you heard the story of Abraham and his son? It’s in the Old Testament in Genesis 22. The Lord gives Abraham this promise of a great offspring and land. But he and Sarah can’t have any kids. So they can see no way the promise can work out. But God opens the womb. They get this gift - Isaac. And what does He do? Immediately asks Abraham to offer him as a sacrifice to Him. His servant lays his son out. And picks up the knife. And the Lord sees very clearly who Abe honors most.

Now it’s doubtful that’s something He’ll ever ask us. But where is our allegiance? Only Jesus - and Him alone - gets first place in our hearts. And that will cause friction in families. That’s why we should expect resistance. Our allegiance to Him.

What the Lord Requires: Crucifixion

Let’s move on to the third point for this morning. What the Lord requires. Crucifixion. When Abraham’s there on that mountain - and He’s offering up Isaac  on that altar to God - here’s what’s happening. He’s putting his desires, His will, to death. Right? And trusting them all in the hands of the Lord. And this is what Jesus here is asking of us.

Listen to verse 38 again. “And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” Now we, and the original readers of this book, were aware of where Jesus would go. But the disciples here struggled with what it all meant. But they could see the crosses there, along the roads. They saw the men carrying them to their death. And they knew that Jesus was calling them to come and die. Maybe give up their lives. Definitely their strongest of desires.

And that’s tough. Is it not? Maybe you lay down the career of your dreams. Maybe you won’t get all As - so that you can dig in God’s word and fellowship with friends. Or perhaps you won’t get the recognition in your program. Or the house or trips that you’d like.

But of course, here, the emphasis is on family. Maybe your parents or siblings won’t accept your new faith. Or there’ll be awkwardness between you and friends - ones you’ve had for years. Maybe your desire for marriage seems miles away - because you won’t compromise your standards and get pulled away from Christ. Jesus says, take up your cross. Die to your desires. Of always being applauded. Or of always living an easy, peasy life.

Soon, we’re going to call the Reece family up here to send them off in prayer. David is working on finishing up a PhD. His wife, Heidi, is a very capable nurse. They have everything in place to live a pretty comfy life. And there wouldn’t be anything wrong with serving God in those ways at all. But they sense God calling them to Uganda. To help guide students, orphans most of them, into adulthood, who’ve come out of traumatic, war-torn homes, over there.

Now they’d probably like to stay here in a town they love. And in a church they have long called their home. But they’ve chosen to die to those desires and live boldly for Him. I can’t lie. I’d love them to stick around here. They have high-leadership potential. If you’ve been around them, you’ll agree. But I, we, have to die to our desires, too. Jesus calls us toward crucifixion.

Now Jesus isn’t asking us to be something other than our selves. He made us, after all. But rather, the very best version of ourselves - that He can make us to be. And that comes only as we lean into Him. And die to our self-will. And follow after His. And that’s not easy. To let go of our wants, and believe He offers the best. Paul Miller explains it this way: “The great struggle of my life is not trying to discern God’s will; it is trying to discern and then disown my own.” This is what the Lord requires - crucifixion.

What He Offers: Resurrection

But friends, that journey is worth it. Here’s our fourth and final point for this morning. What He offers. Resurrection. Now what happened with Abraham as He raised up the knife? God calls out, “Abraham, Abraham!” and tells him to stop. He sees the ram caught in the thicket. And Abraham offers up that. Hear how this is explained over in the book of Hebrews:

Hebrews 11:17 By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son,

Hebrews 11:18 of whom it was said, “Through Isaac shall your offspring be named.”

Hebrews 11:19 He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.      

Abraham could die to His deepest desires, because He trusted God to raise them to life. Listen to Jesus’s words in verse 39 again: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” If we cling to our desires, we’ll end up losing it all. Our career, our status, our family, our friends. But if we offer them to Him, we’ll end up receiving at the end. True and lasting joy. A new heavens and a new earth. This is our promise. Crucifixion, yes. But resurrection, too.

Back in my twenties, I heard what’s maybe John Piper’s most famous sermon. Maybe you’ve heard it - the one about seashells. He tells this story of two elderly women he knew - in their late seventies or eighties - who resolve in their twilight years to do medical missions in Cameroon. They get over there, the brakes go out on their car, and they plunge over a cliff. It’s all over. And Piper screams out, “Is this a tragedy?” And then he says, “I’ll tell you what a tragedy is.”

And he then tells this story he had read in Reader’s Digest about a couple retiring to spend the rest of their lives on the beach finding shells. And he pleads at this Passion Conference, filled with thousands of students, to not waste their lives. That’s the tragedy, Piper proclaims. It’s been called the sermon that changed a generation.

Now I enjoy my time on the beach. God’s creation should be enjoyed. Rest is needed and good. Going to Africa isn’t where all are called. The point is: will we dig into our desires, and cling to a life of ease? Or will we follow Him and die? And find true life in Him? This is what Jesus offers. Resurrection. If we want to make disciples together, that won’t happen on the path of least resistance. And that path of least resistance merges with the road leading to death. But we were made for something better, for something more.

Hershael York put it his way: “Salvation is completely free. Jesus paid it all. Discipleship will cost you everything. Jesus is worth it all.” Do you believe this? Are you living like this? Let’s help each other. It’s tough. But it’s worth it, church.

We’re so prone to pledge our allegiance to our family, to our country. But He is our Father. These are our brothers and sisters. He is our King. His Kingdom is what we’re about. And that’ll bring us hate. But we’ll gain our first love.

The Prince Who Brings Peace

I want to briefly go back to something I raised at the start. Doesn’t the Bible actually say that Jesus comes to bring peace? Isn’t that literally what those angels sing - to those shepherds on the night of His birth? Yes. They sing, in Luke 2:14: “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

Doesn’t the Bible call Jesus the “prince of peace?” Indeed, it does - in that  other great Christmas passage we read from Isaiah chapter 9. “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given.” And He would be called “prince of peace.”

Yes, Jesus came to bring peace. That’s perfect shalom. The reverse of the curse. All in harmony again. Peace between us and God, peace between us and each other, peace even between us and our environment. Bodies that are restored. His creation made new. Our King. Bringing His kingdom. Yes, He came to bring peace.

But what we often settle for pales in comparison to that. Shallow comfort, cheap peace. As C.S. Lewis describes it, making mud pies in the slum instead of a holiday at the sea. We choose a drama-free life, and we miss out on His grand story. Jesus offers us something greater, something deeper. But it won’t be easy. As R.T France puts it, "As long as some men refuse the Lordship of God, to follow the Prince of peace will always be a way of conflict.”

There is great peace down the road. Even if things are rough here and now. But we have even more comfort, my friends. Because Jesus knows and understands. Not just suffering in general. But even suffering at the hands of those He loved.

Matthew 13:57 says His family was offended by Him. Mark 3:21 says they thought He was nuts. And wanted to grab Him - and drag Him - all the way home. In John 7, his brothers seem to mock Him. And John says they don’t believe what He says. Maybe they would have blocked their brother online! Jesus not only offers us this peace. He understands the conflict, just as much. And that should give us even more peace.

In Good Company, and Good Hands

Next week, we’ll finish Christ’s last few words here. And we’ll look at the rewards that are also in the struggles. If we deny ourselves, we will find life in Him. But even beyond that, there will be rewards for those of us who live on mission for Jesus.

Well, as we live in today’s world, we shouldn’t be surprised by resistance - as we demonstrate our allegiance to Christ and His Kingdom. Not getting backlash from being boneheads or butts. Not for some allegiance to other kingdoms or causes. But resistance that comes from our allegiance to Jesus - and to Him alone. We will get blocked. We’ll get mocked. And maligned. But if we do, we’re in good company, am I right? What did Jesus tell us back in Beatitudes, in Matthew 5 verse 12? “Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets before you.”

We’re blessed when we’re persecuted, for we’ll receive the “kingdom of heaven.” And if it’s grandma who bludgeons us - either on our Facebook walls or around her thanksgiving table - we can trust that it’ll all be worth it.

Jesus gives these words of encouragement at the end of chapter 19: “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.” That woman I mentioned, who was beaten by her father. Later, down the road, he gave his heart to Christ. That may happen. Maybe it won’t. But either way, laying down our lives leads to true life in Him. To being a part of the family of God. We have to trust that. We’re in good company. And in good hands. We are. We must stand for Jesus. And suffer with Him.

Digging Wells, Not Fenceposts

I’ve been reading Courtney Ellis’s book called Present. Our own Aarik Danielsen wrote the foreword for the book. She compares two different ways we can go about building our church - in a world that can be hostile and hard. We can dig holes for fenceposts and keep everyone in. We can live in fear. And try to keep each other safe. Preemptively bring separation ourselves. That kind of thing.

Or we can go about it another way. We can take all that energy, and instead turn it toward digging something deeper, something better - better, by far. Wells. Wells that are full of the living waters. That offer us the joy we all so desperately want. Water that’s worth dying for. That gives us the life we all so much want. And call people to that.

Let’s dig these wells together, Karis. Some will still lash out at us. We can know that, for sure. Even people who sleep right down the hallway. But they’ll be raging against Him and not us. And some, we’ll be sure, will snap out of their tantrums and drink alongside with us - of these living waters. We should expect resistance - even from those we love - because of our allegiance to Jesus the King - the one we love most, knowing that crucifixion is the path to resurrection. Let’s pray.