Leading the Way to Forgiveness | Mt. 18:21-35

Here’s my sermon from this past Sunday, where I talk about forgiveness from Matthew 18:21-35. You can listen to the audio here. Grab the Keller book I reference here.

On June 17, 2015, an angry young man named Dylann Roof walked into a midweek Bible study at a small black church in Charleston, South Carolina. He introduced himself, took out an automatic weapon, and began shooting. Nine people died that night. Clearly racially motivated, it understandably led to cries of anger, and calls for justice, across our land.

Many months later, at Roof’s sentencing, where he was sentenced to death, families and friends of his victims were allowed to address the shooter. One by one, they stood up, they stepped forward. And they offered forgiveness. To a man who’d slaughtered their own flesh and blood. But Roof ended the sentencing with just this closing statement: “I still feel like I had to do it.” Such a senseless, brutal crime. Followed by no remorse. And they forgave this man. Really? Now this was praised by some, but, of course, loudly condemned by others. Forgiveness today - and especially in a case like this - just seems weird. Right?

Our Karis Summer OneRead was Tim Keller’s book Forgive. In it, he explains how poorly forgiveness is understood and applied today. He offers the three main models that we see today. First, there is a pressure to non-conditionally forgive. To just “forgive and forget,” because this is what God has done for us. Now this seems to completely disregard justice. And it often leads to further abuse. Keller refers to this as “cheap grace.”

Second, there is a pressure to transactionally forgive. Where you make those who’ve hurt you earn your mercy. Only when someone does enough weeping and apologizing can forgiveness then happen. But, as Keller explains, this can just be a “hidden way to pay people back and get control over them — a form of revenge masquerading as virtue.” Keller calls this “little grace.”

Third, there is the pressure to not forgive at all. If we forgive those who have done wrong - if we don’t cancel them forever - how is that fair to those who’ve been hurt? But do we really want to say there are no second chances? That there’s no forgiveness - ever? Or just for us - or people we deem worthy of it? Keller calls this the “no grace” model.

Cheap grace. Little grace. No grace. This is what our culture offers. But there’s another way - one we see here in this text. There’s perhaps no other thing more essential to Christianity than this. Forgiveness. Right? But it’s increasingly weird in our world today. And as we swim in these waters, it’s also a struggle for you and for me. But this is what our King calls us to. What He lays out here in this parable. In a world that has forgotten how to forgive, we His kingdom disciples, have to lead the way.

Where We Find Ourselves in Matthew

Now this passage is important in the flow of this gospel. Matthew 18 is the fourth of five extended sermons of Jesus. In this sermon, Christ describes the heart of those in His kingdom. And it culminates here with this call for us to forgive.

Peter and His Question

Now these verses begin with this question from Peter - found here in verses 21 and 22. The disciple comes up to Jesus and asks, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Now if we’re familiar with this passage, we probably just shake our heads. And feel sorry for this disciple - who always puts his foot in his mouth. But that would be a misunderstanding of what’s actually going on.

Rabbis in that day taught, after three strikes, you’re out. Forgive once, or twice, even three times, but after that, move on. The offender is clearly lost and hopeless. Peter here probably feels especially generous. He’s offering to go above and beyond - even twice past what’s expected! Perhaps we need to give our brother here a break.

But how does Jesus respond? Verse 22: “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Now I don’t think He’s saying, “Actually make that times 11, Peter.” As Scott Sauls has put it, it’s more likely an idiom - for an infinite number. Michael Card talks about how numbers in Judaism can have an emotional value as much as a numerical one. “More times than you can possibly imagine.” That’s what the Lord seems to be saying.“Let’s not talk about limits here, Peter.” And then He launches into this story.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

Now this is one of the best known and most loved of all of Christ’s parables. But it’s less Hallmark movie than horror film. It’s a good one, as we lead up to October 31st. Did you notice the ending? We’ll get there soon. But following this initial question, we see three scenes, followed by an explanation Jesus gives. Let’s take each in turn.

Look at scene one. It’s found in verses 23 through 27. The Lord says that “the kingdom of heaven” - that He has come to bring - is like this. A king brings in his servants. And it’s time to settle up. And one owes, Jesus says, “ten thousand talents.” Let’s pause there. This is an incredible amount of money. As R.T. France explains, it takes the largest Greek numeral and joins it with the biggest unit of money. We’re not talking millions in today’s economy, but billions.

The point? The guy would never be able to repay what he owed. So he gets on his knees and begs. He knows he’s heading into slavery - the man, along with his whole family. And they’ll remain there the rest of their lives. So he cries out, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.”

Now, again, he couldn’t possibly find a way to actually do that. But he’s desperate for a second chance. He’s somehow holding on to pride. And surprisingly, the king listens. Verse 27 says that, “out of pity for him,” the man is released by his master. The king, it says, “forgave him the debt.” What’s the obvious lesson we learn from the first scene of this parable? Of the extravagance of the grace of our God. Our sin is just that great. We deserve to pay for it forever. But God is full of compassion. He is ready to forgive.

Turn to scene two with me. We see it in verses 28 through 30. What happens is even more shocking. He goes out. He finds a servant who owes him money. And this time it’s a far lesser amount. Now it’s not insignificant. What he had owed - it was probably equivalent to a small country’s economy! But the one indebted to him needed to pay back a “hundred denarii.” Which was about a hundred days’ wages for a common laborer in Israel. So roughly, in today’s terms, if the average salary in Missouri is about 50k, let’s cut that by a third, and we’re at about $16,000. So that’s what the servant shakes his brother down for. After being forgiven more like billions! He seizes the man, the passage says, he begins choking him, and tells him, “Pay what you owe.”

His fellow man falls down and begs at his feet. And sadly, ironically, he cries out in almost the exact same way: “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” But what happens, in verse 30? That original servant, forgiven by the king, refuses. He forgets what’s just happened. More like, it never moved down to his heart.

And he tosses the man into prison. Until the debt is fully paid off. Now that leads to the second obvious lesson we see in this story. Of the absurdity of our refusal to forgive. We’ve been forgiven so much. And of a so much greater debt. How could we possibly not forgive others?

Let’s look now at scene three. It’s there in verses 31 through 34. The other servants can’t believe this. The text says they’re “distressed.” And they go report it to the king. And no, he’s not pleased. He calls back that first servant, and he says this: “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me.” And he asks this critical question, which is more of a rebuke. “And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” He calls out the man for not extending his forgiveness. And verse 34 says that he throws him into prison - for what would be the rest of his life. The king is outraged. And he gives the man over to what he’d always deserved.

What’s the third thing we learn, here in this scene? Of the destiny of those who won’t share His mercy. Yes, this is a picture of eternal judgment. Some have tried to use this to say purgatory’s real. This middle world where you pay off your crimes. But we can’t miss the point. The debt’s way too big! It could never be repaid. We hear nothing of second chances. There’s no talk here of escape.

But we also can’t forget just how parables work. They’re pictures that make a point. We can’t press all the details or we go off the rails. God doesn’t have jailers or torturers cracking whips down in hell. He doesn’t need tattlers to give him intel on our  sins. And he sure doesn’t make your children pay for your crimes. The point is simple. We owe a debt we could never repay. Our Father in heaven is eager to forgive. But if we refuse to forgive, as He’s forgiven us, it means that we’ll find ourselves forever condemned.

We see that in the explanation. The one the true King, Jesus, here gives. Look again there in verse 35. “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” So the point may be simple, but it’s scary. Right? Hell isn’t just for the bad guys out there. It’s also for those who show no mercy in here. And especially those who are familiar with His mercy themselves.

Here we’ve got the Trick or Treat Trail. Back in the 90s, I went to one of those “Hell Houses” at a church. A haunted house where they try to show the horrors of spending eternity in hell. They’re terrible on so many levels. But imagine you’re at one of those. There’s an escalator over here and a slide over there. The escalator carries believers up to heaven with Christ. And the slide hurls people down into the fires of hell. But then someone starts pulling people out of that line to the sky. And starts pushing them toward that slide that goes down. “Actually, you’re over there, buddy. Because you were so self-righteous. And you never would forgive. Only grateful, humble people get to go up there with Him.”

I’ll never forget Russell Moore sharing this story from his early years when he was pastoring. He was preaching about our calling to forgive, and this very large Vietnam vet walked up after the sermon. And he proceeded to go off on how much he hated people who were Asian. After his experience in that ghastly war. And he told Russ, “There’s no way I could ever show mercy to those people.”

And Moore, who’s not a big man, looked up, right into that man’s eyes, and boldly responded, “Well, I guess there’s hell.” If we’re not the type of person who at least struggles to forgive, we in no way will experience it ourselves. As J.C. Ryle once put it, “There will be no forgiveness in that day for unforgiving people.” Yes, the reality of judgment is true. Jesus talks about it repeatedly - and more than anyone else. But it may come for different people than we might expect.

Now some have said, “Isn’t this salvation by works?” No, it’s not. We already heard Jesus, way back in Matthew 5:7 say, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” Turn the page. In the Lord’s Prayer, Christ teaches us to call out to His Father in this way: “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” And He explains it further, in verses 14 and 15.

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Sounds a lot like our parable today. No this isn’t legalism, some kind of salvation by works. Like this servant, we could never pay off our debt. But if we truly grasp what our King has done, we can’t possibly hold over others their debts toward us. Jesus says His kingdom citizens forgive. They understand the forgiveness they’ve received. And they extend it. Otherwise, it shows they’re not His subjects at all. Hear how D.A. Carson puts it:

“Those in the kingdom serve a great king who has invariably forgiven far more than they can ever forgive one another. Therefore failure to forgive excludes one from the kingdom, whose pattern is to forgive.” (D.A. Carson)

Over my sabbatical I got to take in two shows on Broadway. One of the best I’ve seen, although not there, or on that trip, is Les Miserables. You may know the story. Jean Valjean is the main character. He steals a loaf of bread for a hungry relative and ends up as a prisoner. He finally gets out and immediately steals again. A bishop takes him into his home, and he steals away in the night with a bag full of silver. Well, he gets caught right away. He’s brought by the authorities before that priest. But that kind man shocks the police by telling Jean in front of them, “You left without taking the best of the silver. Here you go. Take this stuff with you, too.”

And that experience transforms the man. He rescues a young woman from prostitution. He takes in the woman’s daughter after her death. And he treats her like his own. He has the opportunity to take vengeance upon his enemy - the man Javert - and he lets him go free. God’s forgiveness changes Jean Valjean. And radically. Ultimately that’s what should move us. Not the fear. But the love. The great debt He’s forgiven.

The Resources for Forgiveness

We must forgive as we’ve been forgiven, Karis. And in the gospel of Jesus, we have what we need to do exactly that. First, think about His grace. Grace is God’s unmerited favor - shown to us in Christ. What does grace lead to? Humility and joy.

We know our great debt. Way more than we could repay. So we’re humble. Not judgmental, either. Remember, the way this chapter begins? We, the disciples, are His  “little ones.” We’re kids. Dependent upon our dad. We know our great need. We’re small. We’re weak. Disobedient and foolish.

But He’s been so good to us. He’s forgiven our debt. So we could go free! And that fills us with joy. Its fill our hearts with song. It sets our feet to dancing. Humility and joy flow from the grace we’ve received, and those are what help us - they are what move us - as we try to forgive.

Second, think about His cross. Think about our King. He goes way beyond this parable. What did He do? He entered that prison himself. He didn’t just wave off the debt. He made sure it was paid. With His own life. In our place. And as we think about that cross, here’s where it takes us. To both justice and mercy.

On the cross, Jesus paid for our sins. Therefore, we know something true of everyone we’ll meet. Either Christ has suffered for them, just like us. Or one day, they’ll pay for their own sins forever. That means, we don’t have to take vengeance. We can leave it to Him. One day, He’ll make everything right. Yes, we can forgive. We can show people mercy. Because of the mercy we’ve received. Both justice and mercy flow from His cross. 

The Meaning of Forgiveness

Let’s think a bit more about what forgiveness means. Now in Keller’s book I mentioned, he really digs into this passage. And he unpacks a definition of the word largely from this parable right here. And he gives us these four components:

“To forgive, then, is first to name the trespass truthfully as wrong and punishable, rather than merely excusing it.

Second, it is to identify with the perpetrator as a fellow sinner rather than thinking how different from you he or she is. It is to will their good.

Third, it is to release the wrongdoer from liability by absorbing the debt oneself rather than seeking revenge and paying them back.

Finally, it is to aim for reconciliation rather than breaking off the relationship forever. If you omit any one of these four actions, you are not engaging in real forgiveness.” (Tim Keller)   

Think again about those models we started with before. The cheap grace one to start. We don’t just brush the wrongs off. And make them no big deal at all.

Think about the little grace model. We don’t look down at the other person. And force them to grovel. And then decide when they’ve done enough.

We certainly can’t choose the no grace model. And turn our backs on them. Or show them our fists.

No, there’s a fourth model, the one presented in God’s word. The costly grace model. Where we must in some way absorb their debt. Just like Jesus did for us on the cross.  Where we seek to forgive them in our heart - what Keller calls attitudinal forgiveness. And come toward them, if we can, and try to be at one with them again - what he calls reconciled forgiveness.

But though God’s grace works power down deep within us, it doesn’t mean that reconciliation will always be possible - or certainly even safe. And even though Christ’s cross brings mercy, it of course doesn’t mean there often won’t be consequences. It’s not easy. It’s often complicated, for sure. But if we’re His citizens, we’ll fight to forgive.

But it’s especially difficult today. Why? Because in a sense we ignore Christ’s words and don’t act like we’re kids. And in another, we act like children all the time. On one hand, we’re proud. We see ourselves as strong. And we really hate to admit our faults. And we feel better about ourselves when we can hold things over others.

But on the other hand, we act like stubborn little brats. We’re all about our freedom, about actualizing ourselves. And we don’t care much about anyone else. So it’s no wonder we’re surrounded by so much relational carnage. And with little hope of finding a way out.

Author Malcom Gladwell put it like this:

“Cancel culture is what happens when you have a generation of people who are not raised with a Christian ethic of forgiveness. Forgiveness is so counterintuitive it needs to be taught, and you can only learn it if you are exposed to a body of thought which places forgiveness at its center.” (Malcom Gladwell)

In a world that has forgotten how to forgive, we His kingdom disciples, have to lead the way.

Forgiveness for Them, For Us      

A few years ago, a letter arrived at our home. It was from a man in prison, who coached here in our schools. He was jailed for some unspeakable things. We’re talking images on his computer. And his face was across the news. Now our kids were not victimized, but they were certainly in his orbit. And he reached out to us. He called his actions “wrong and sinful” and wrote, “I hope and pray that you guys are able to forgive me, but I know I can’t expect that.”

But shouldn’t he expect that from those of us in Christ? No, it doesn’t mean he won’t spend a long time in jail. If he gets out and comes here, he won’t serve in Karis Kids. But as terrible as the things are that put him in jail, our crimes before a holy God are far more severe. And they give us no right to refuse to forgive this man.

Imagine you’re home one night. Alone and depressed. You’re surfing on your tablet. You click one thing. Then another. Crazy things pop up. Maybe you shut it down in fear. Maybe it sucks you in for hours. But then the cops show up.

Or think about this. I’m sure none of us here touch their phones in the car. But you look down for a second, to respond to that text. And then you feel a bump. You hear a scream. And you’ve run over a child.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” We sure want it for us. But not as much for them. Miroslav Volf also put it this way: “Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans and myself from the community of sinners.”

Now God forbid either of those things would ever happen to us. But what if they did? Would you want your life over? And to be canceled forever? Known the rest of your days for your very worst moment? No, you’d hope that people would find a heart to forgive. We’re really not worse than either of those people. And we have to treat others as we’d want to be treated.

More than that, if we realize how we’ve been treated by God, it will change the way we’ll treat those around us. We’re the man in this parable who owes all the cash. Not just them. And realizing that, and the freedom we’ve found - it changes everything. We must forgive as we’ve been forgiven.

A Culture of Forgiveness

In a world that has forgotten how to forgive, we His kingdom disciples, have to lead the way. We’ve already talked about the resources we have - that come from the gospel. Let’s talk a bit about the culture we bring.

Let’s be those who forgive here in our midst. Let’s not be so easily offended. And let’s not keep records of wrongs. Let’s be a people so moved by the gospel that it’s just in the air we breathe here. And we can’t help but exhale His mercy to one another.

As 1 John 1:7 puts it, let’s “walk in the light, as he is in the light.” Let’s confess our sins openly. And freely offer forgiveness. Let’s expect each other to sin. And douse those struggles with the waters of His love. Let’s be a place that’s just so immersed in the gospel. His grace is extravagant. Not to forgive is absurd. A place where people look in and say, “Those people are all so weird. They’re all so imperfect. But they’re so patient with one other. And love each other so well.” Let’s not just have gospel doctrine but gospel culture, Karis.

Let’s be those who forgive out in our city. People have so many bad images in their heads of Christians today. Of people who are arrogant and judgmental and anything but kind. What if we were so filled with humility, so cognizant of our sin, that we couldn’t even imagine looking down on our neighbors? What if we were so filled with the joy of the gospel, that our coworkers and friends were drawn to our love? “Why are you so weird? You’re so filled with hope.”

We don’t take it upon ourselves to give them what we think they deserve. We know that’s the Lord’s job, not ours. Instead we’re throwing around mercy - you know like firemen - with great, big smiles - throwing candy at a homecoming parade. It’s just who we are. It’s what we do. If we forgave people like that, we’d point people to our dad. As John Perkins puts it, “To forgive is divine. It makes us look like our heavenly Father.”

One point of application, as I bring this to a close. Who do you need to forgive? I’m convicted by this passage. I’m still holding on hurt. Who do you and I need to pray for? Who do we need to go pursue?

Peter and His Question (reprise)

Now, let’s go back to that original question. That Peter brings to the Lord. Scholars have pointed out that the language is strikingly similar to the Greek version of Genesis 4:24. We’re right after the fall of Adam and Eve. And their son Cain has just killed his brother Abel. Sin is spreading. Vengeance is growing. This descendent of Cain, a man named Lamech, carries on the tradition, of the now-fallen family. And a man hits him really hard. And he kills him in return. And he boasts in verse 24, “If Cain’s revenge is sevenfold, then Lamech’s is seventy-sevenfold.”

This is where this fall has led. John Wyck-type payback. It’s this picture of a wicked man, eyes full of fury, throwing out revenge that doesn’t fit the crime. It could be that Jesus wants Peter and us to think of these words. And then go out and respond to that vengeance all around. With crazy forgiveness. That’s also all out of proportion. Not laying down the smack - meting out justice. But throwing around reckless, beautiful mercy. Just like our Father.

Now I said earlier that I like a good Broadway musical. But you know, I am from the small town of Drexel, Missouri. It wasn’t exactly the capital of culture. Therefore, I also like more unsophisticated entertainment. Like one of the great comedy movies. Of course, Dumb and Dumber.

You all know the best line in that latter film, right? Lloyd Christmas is turned down by this woman he adores. Remember he’s traveled across the country - on a moped - to reach her. And he asks her what the chances are, of them ending up together, and she responds with “not good.” And as he pushes even more, she says it’s more like a one in a million longshot. To which Lloyd responds, to Mary Swanson, his crush, “So you’re telling me there’s a chance!” And, of course, Mary is thinking, along with all of us, “You’re just not getting it Lloyd.”

I think that’s a little bit like what Peter is doing here. And the Lord’s response has the same effect. “Peter, you’re talking here about how many times you have to forgive? You’re just not getting it, little bro.” The type of person who counts, the man or woman who compares - is in danger, in fact. As N.T. Wright explains it, “You’re not really forgiving them at all, simply postponing revenge.” Jesus helps him - and us - feel that truth - in sharing this parable.

Isn’t that the beauty of stories? Don’t they help us get inside those truths - and help them get inside us? They connect more with our hearts. We can see ourselves as that forgiven servant. We see our struggle as he tries to forgive. Speaking of stories, I quoted John Perkins a few minutes ago. John was a black man raised in the deep south under Jim Crow. His brother Clyde was murdered by a town marshall while waiting in a line for a movie. John’s parents urged him to move to safer confines in California.

After serving in the military, he became a follower of Jesus, and sensed a call to become a pastor. So where did he choose to serve? Back home in Mississippi. There he was jailed after organizing a demonstration. He made bond and then drove to bail out some students jailed in another city. There the sheriff beat him nearly to death, put a gun to his head, and shoved a fork up his nose. And he saw a hatred in his tormentors’ eyes that frightened him. Perkins said this:

“That hatred frightened me. You get just a little glimpse of it and say, ‘I don’t want that dark place in my own life.’ … I saw that hate in the eyes of the people that tortured me and I could feel myself needing to hate them back.” He went on, “I felt a weight on me. I began to recognize that and really hear the Scripture that says, ‘Unless you can forgive those who trespass against you, how do you expect your heavenly Father to forgive you?’” (John Perkins)

John had been transformed by the love of King Jesus. The gospel changed everything. It brought humility as he saw His own sin. And joy as he pondered all he’d been forgiven. The cross made sense of it all. One day, justice would roll down. And he was freed up to show mercy. That’s what forgiveness does, church. It changes us.

In his book, One Blood, Perkins quotes the attorney, in that trial in South Carolina, who heard all those family members forgive. He said this:

“That’s genuinely who these people are. That’s in their DNA. And for those of us who do not have that same faith, it’s hard to imagine - but it’s ingrained in them.”

Weird, right? But so, so beautiful. Lord, do this in us! In a world that has forgotten how to forgive, we His kingdom disciples, have to lead the way. Let’s pray.